To The Nice Boys.

This is terrible, but I don't want a nice boy at the moment. I just want someone real and by that, I probably mean some arsehole because that seems to be my type, or rather the only type I seem to be able to go through with. 


The villain always gets the girl. 


So, I'd like to take this moment to, as a girl who only seems to actually follow through with "like" when I'm in like with an arsehole, apologise to every nice boy out there. I'm sorry for being the only girl that (in my mind) talks to you consistently and the one that pays attention to you for the first time. I'm sorry for flirting with you over facebook chat and I'm sorry for talking to you until three in the morning because my sleeping pattern is fucked and so is yours. I'm sorry for liking the music that you like and then openly pointing out that we have that in common and I'm sorry for trying to get you to dance at clubs when you've specifically said for the hundredth time that you don't dance. Or tango. 


I'm sorry for falling asleep on your shoulder or in your bed when I'm drunk because that is leading you on but I like the attention. I'm sorry for liking the attention and I'm sorry for ignoring you for months before coming out of the blue and speaking to you again so that you can fall mind-numbingly in love with me again. I'm sorry that I can make you forget my faults and that I talk to you on skype for hours every day. I'm sorry for sending cute texts and then disappearing and I'm sorry for being someone that you don't believe is crazy or fucked up because you're willing to look past that. 


I'm sorry that my self-esteme is so depleted that even though you're hot, I'll chose the arsehole because I need to validate my opinion of self worth. I'm sorry that I read comics and talk about Yeats with such fervent passion that it convinces you that one day, you'll be mentioned in the same tone. You will be, when I'm with friends and in a homely mood, but that's where that ends because I cant talk about real people like that for more than a moment because I'm not passionate about people, I'm passionate about art. I'm sorry I won't tell you that. 


I'm sorry that I'll usually always choose the arsehole.