Afraid.

I sleep best, all be it with broken gaps during the afternoons. I dont know why I always return to this habit because I always wake up distressed and scared as all hell. 


You know those silent tears that you can cry, the ones whereby you dont so much feel them coming out as much as you do feel the trail on your cheek when the wind blows cold? Do you know those tears? They're what I feel when I wake up, all disorientated and just not right. 


Maybe I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid that I'll sleep through something big, something horrible. And so, when I wake up, everything will be wrong and I wont be able to remember what right was ever again. 


Maybe I'm afraid that I'll wake up in my nightmares, where everyone's dying, where I see those terrible things happening over and over again inside of my head. 


Maybe I'm afraid of myself.